BFP
I found out I was pregnant with our first child in the middle of an OCONUS PCS (permanent change of station). The day before, I was deep-cleaning our apartment after the movers packed up the last of our household goods for the UAB shipment. That night, my best friend came over to say goodbye. We drank wine, reminisced, and laughed. I remember asking if the wine tasted funny—maybe my pregnancy aversions were already starting?
The next morning, I woke up with sore breasts and a pounding headache. I chalked it up to a mild hangover, even though I hadn’t drunk much. My friend left that afternoon, and something nudged me to take a pregnancy test. Sore breasts weren’t normal for me, and even though my cycle is wildly irregular and my husband recently left for training, I figured it couldn’t hurt.
I came back from the store, took the test, and left it on the counter. Two minutes later, I picked my jaw up off the floor—positive. I knew false positives were rare. Still, the box came with two tests, so I took the second one. Positive again.
I just stared at myself in the mirror, stunned. Only six months earlier, I had experienced an ectopic pregnancy and lost a fallopian tube. Was it too soon to be happy?
Sharing the News: Navigating Emotions and Relationships
To make things more complicated, my husband and I weren’t in the best place at the time. He was at BOLC in Fort Leonard Wood, Missouri, and I was back home in San Antonio, Texas. Distance and stress had us bickering over everything.
I didn’t know whether to tell him yet. What if it was another ectopic pregnancy? But I’m terrible at keeping secrets—especially from him. So I called. He was definitely surprised but also happy. He had wanted to be a dad for years, but we were both finishing school. Though unexpected, the timing was finally right.
Telling Family and Friends After a Loss
We were hesitant to tell anyone else. Our previous pregnancy ended in heartbreak, and I still carried the weight of that grief. I felt like my body had failed me, like I wasn’t cut out for motherhood—a thought I now know isn’t true or helpful, but at the time, it consumed me.
But I was also so full of joy. I ended up calling my best friend, who was incredibly supportive. From there, we decided to tell our families and close friends. Most people were over the moon for us. A few weren’t, but we didn’t let it dampen our spirits.
Despite my fears, I couldn’t help but embrace the magic of pregnancy again. I was growing a life. My excitement bubbled over.
Reuniting with My Husband in Fort Leonard Wood
After turning in our apartment keys, I drove to Fort Leonard Wood to be with my husband. I stayed in a nearby hotel—not the nicest, but functional. Seeing him again felt different this time. We were starting a family. It was cold and cozy in November, and we spent our time cuddling and trying to find food I could actually eat.
First Trimester Pregnancy Symptoms Hit Hard
That’s when the food aversions slammed me. Everything smelled and tasted disgusting. Even drinking water made me gag. We tried eating out at nearly every local spot—nothing helped. I wasn’t impressed with Fort Leonard Wood’s restaurant options anyway, but in pregnancy? Everything triggered nausea.
I survived on crackers, water, and prenatal vitamins. Especially meat—I couldn’t even look at it. We’d go to a steakhouse and I’d just eat the bread rolls. I was constantly sick and too scared to leave the hotel in case I threw up in public.
And don’t let movies fool you—morning sickness doesn’t hit just once in the morning. It can be relentless and an all-day kinda thing. I even had a weird fizzing sensation in my throat when I was hungry, like I’d swallowed Pop Rocks! It was the strangest thing. That sensation was my personal hunger alarm, and it haunted me!
Shoutout to Club Crackers—they were my breakfast, lunch, dinner, and emotional support snack.
PCS Stress + Pregnancy = Chaos
All of this was happening while we were trying to PCS overseas. My husband had orders to Germany by the end of December, and we were still missing crucial documents. I didn’t have command sponsorship, which meant I couldn’t get my no-fee passport. No one seemed to know how to help.
COVID-19 restrictions made everything worse. I couldn’t even fly on a tourist passport (which turned out to be false—thanks for nothing, base clerk). We hadn’t shipped our vehicles yet and had two large dogs to figure out transport for, despite Germany’s temporary pet ban.
The stress was unbearable. Eventually, we realized we wouldn’t be able to travel together. While my husband finalized his orders, I booked an OB-GYN appointment in Rolla, Missouri, worried sick—literally and figuratively.
Pregnancy Anxiety After an Ectopic Loss
I had this ominous pressure in my side—very similar to whenI had lost my fallopian tube months earlier. I was terrified. I couldn’t sleep, cried in private, and told myself it was happening again. I would dream over an over that the baby wouldn’t make it.
At my OB appointment, the doctor couldn’t find anything on the regular ultrasound. I immediately spiraled. This was exactly how my last pregnancy started. She sent me for a transvaginal ultrasound for better clarity.
I laid there, silently panicking, until the tech finally looked up and said, “Congratulations!”
The baby was in the right place. Healthy. Alive. Only five weeks along, and already the size of a little bean. I made her confirm five times that it wasn’t ectopic. She kindly assured me it wasn’t. I clutched that first ultrasound like it was a miracle—because it was.
Traveling to Germany Pregnant (and with Two Large Dogs)
Eventually, I got my travel approved. The catch? I couldn’t fly out of any nearby airports with the dogs due to kennel size restrictions. Their kennels were too large to fit in the boarding door of most planes. So, I drove from Missouri to Atlanta—pregnant, nauseous, and hauling two Labradors and their giant crates so I could board a large enough AirBus to accommodate us.
It was one hell of a 14 hr trip (including stops and naps). I constantly pulled over, thinking I was going to be sick from the nausea. I was so grateful to finally make it to the hotel.
I booked a few nights at a hotel near the airport and spent the next day getting my COVID test, which was required to board the plane. After dropping off my car at the Atlanta VPC, I made my way to the airport with my two large dogs in tow.
Getting the dogs unloaded from the Uber and over to the oversized baggage area was an absolute fiasco. I was visibly sick, exhausted, and dragging two giant crates. When I asked for help, the airport staff looked at me skeptically, as if they didn’t believe I was really pregnant ( I wasn’t showing yet). It was as if they thought I was using pregnancy as a cop out to get someone else to do it. I got a few eye rolls and judgmental faces, still, they agreed to assist—for a large tip. I didn’t even hesitate. At that point, I was desperate, feeling pelvic twinges, and quietly terrified I might trigger a miscarriage.
With their help, I finally got everything sorted. When I boarded that plane to Germany, I felt a wave of relief like never before. After all the stress, uncertainty, and chaos of the PCS and early pregnancy, I was finally on my way.
The Rest of the First Trimester
Once in Germany, I quarantined with my husband for ten days. Lockdown was still in full swing, so not much changed after quarantine lifted. We didn’t have our cars yet, and I spent most of my time in bed, hugging a trash can, and praying for the nausea to pass.
Want to keep following my pregnancy journey?
Check out the next post: Pregnant Abroad: My Second Trimester
Ayla Ellison 